Emotional regulation strategies for teens with autism

Teens 13–17 · How-to · Updated October 1, 2026 · LearnLife Editorial

What do you need before starting emotional regulation strategies?

Before you begin practicing emotional regulation, it’s helpful to gather a few things that make the process easier and more comfortable. First, find a quiet and safe space where you won’t be interrupted. This could be your bedroom, a cozy corner, or any place where you feel calm. Having a consistent spot helps your brain connect the space with relaxation.

Next, collect sensory tools that suit your needs. Sensory tools can help calm your body and mind. Examples include a stress ball to squeeze, noise-canceling headphones to block out distractions, a weighted blanket for comfort, or a favorite fidget toy. You can try different tools to see which ones help you feel calmer. If you don’t have any tools yet, simple items like a soft pillow or a small piece of fabric can work.

It’s also useful to track your emotions. You can use a journal, a notes app, or even draw your feelings. Writing or drawing about how you feel helps you understand emotions better and notice patterns, like what triggers certain feelings.

Finally, consider having a trusted person nearby, such as a parent, teacher, or friend, who can support you if you need help while trying these strategies. Sometimes just knowing someone is there makes it easier to stay calm.

Before you start, think about what usually makes you feel upset or overwhelmed—these are your triggers. Knowing them prepares you to use your strategies early, before emotions get too big.

What are the step-by-step emotional regulation strategies for teens with autism?

Here is a simple step-by-step plan to help you manage your emotions. Each step has a reason that explains why it helps:

1. Identify the Emotion You’re Feeling The first step is to name your emotion. Say out loud or in your head, “I feel angry,” “I feel sad,” or “I feel nervous.” Naming your feelings helps your brain understand what’s happening. For example, if you feel your heart racing, you might say, “I’m feeling anxious.” This slows down the rush of emotions and gives you control.

1. Pause and Take Deep Breaths Try taking 3 to 5 slow, deep breaths. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and breathe out through your mouth for six seconds. Deep breathing slows your heart rate and calms your nervous system. It helps you feel less overwhelmed and more ready to think clearly.

1. Use a Sensory Tool or Safe Activity Grab your stress ball, put on headphones with calming music, or use a fidget toy. These activities help your body relax by giving your senses something to focus on. For example, squeezing a stress ball can release tension in your hands and distract your mind from upsetting thoughts.

1. Practice Positive Self-Talk Say encouraging phrases to yourself, like “I can handle this,” “This will pass,” or “It’s okay to feel this way.” Positive self-talk helps change your mindset from feeling stuck to feeling hopeful. You can write these phrases on a card and carry it with you.

1. Take a Break if Needed If your feelings stay strong, step away from the situation. Go to your quiet space, take a walk, or do something you enjoy for a few minutes. Taking a break helps you calm down and think more clearly before reacting.

1. Try a Grounding Technique Use your five senses to focus on the present moment. Name five things you see, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This brings your attention away from overwhelming feelings and back to the here and now.

1. Ask for Help If you still feel upset, tell a trusted person how you feel and ask for support. For example, you might say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need a break.” Asking for help shows strength and helps you manage your emotions with support.

1. Reflect After the Situation When you feel better, think about what worked and what didn’t. Write or talk about it. For example, “Taking deep breaths helped me calm down, but I want to try grounding next time.” Reflection helps you get better each time you practice emotional regulation.

How can you tell if emotional regulation strategies worked?

You’ll know your strategy is working when your body and mind start to feel calmer. You might notice your breathing slows down, your muscles relax, or your heart beats less fast. Your thoughts may become clearer, and you might feel more able to talk or think about what’s happening.

For example, if you started feeling angry and your hands were shaking, but after using deep breaths and squeezing a stress ball, your hands stop shaking and you feel less tense, that means the strategy helped.

Another sign is that you can handle the situation without yelling or shutting down. If you can explain how you feel or take a break without feeling overwhelmed, that’s a big success.

Sometimes success is small. Even if you don’t feel totally calm, if your feelings become less intense or you don’t act out, that means progress. Celebrate those small wins—they build up over time.

Tracking your feelings in a journal can help you see improvement. Write down what you tried and how you felt afterward. Over days and weeks, you’ll notice patterns and growth.

What should you do when emotional regulation doesn’t work as expected?

It’s normal for emotional regulation to be challenging, especially at first. If one strategy doesn’t work, don’t give up. Here’s what to do:

• Try a Different Strategy or Combine Several

For example, if deep breathing alone doesn’t help, add a grounding exercise or use a sensory tool at the same time.

• Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Sometimes feelings are too strong and need time to pass. Tell yourself it’s okay to feel upset without judging yourself.

• Take a Longer Break

If a short break isn’t enough, try spending more time away from what’s upsetting you. Go outside, listen to music, or do a favorite hobby.

• Reach Out for Support

Talk to a trusted adult, counselor, or friend. Sharing your feelings can ease the burden and give you new ideas to try.

• Keep Practicing Regularly

Practicing emotional regulation daily, even when you’re not upset, makes it easier to use when emotions run high.

If you find that emotions feel overwhelming often or last a long time, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. They can give you extra tools and support.

How can these strategies be adapted for teens with autism and ADHD?

Many teens experience both autism and ADHD, and emotional regulation can be extra tricky. Here’s how to adapt strategies:

• Add Movement Breaks: For ADHD, physical movement like jumping jacks, stretching, or pacing for a minute before starting calming exercises can help focus your mind and body.

• Use Visual Supports: Create a chart or card with each step and a picture or symbol. This visual guide reminds you what to do when feelings get big.

• Keep Instructions Clear and Simple: Break down steps into small parts with straightforward language. For example, instead of “use grounding,” say “look around and name five things you see.”

• Personalize Sensory Tools: Some teens need more or less sensory input. Try weighted blankets for deep pressure or crunchy snacks if they help you focus. Choose what feels best.

• Establish Routines: Practice your strategies at the same time every day or link them to a daily activity like before homework or bedtime. Predictable routines help your brain learn and remember these skills.

• Use Technology: Apps designed for emotional regulation can give reminders, play calming sounds, or guide you through exercises step by step.

What are examples of calming sensory tools and self-talk phrases you can try?

Here are some tools and phrases to try. Pick what feels good for you and keep them ready.

Try combining a calming tool with positive self-talk for extra support. For example, while squeezing a stress ball, say, “I can handle this.” Keep practicing until it feels natural.

Where can you learn more or get support?

Learning about emotions and how to manage them is a big help. Check out articles like How Does Emotional Regulation Relate to Autism? to understand why feelings can be so intense. For detailed strategies, Regulation strategies for kids with autism and Self Regulation for Kids with Autism offer helpful ideas specific to autism.

If you also have ADHD, Emotional Regulation for Kids with ADHD explains how to adapt strategies that work for your brain.

Sometimes emotions get really hard to manage. If you ever feel hopeless, unsafe, or like you want to hurt yourself, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. They are there to listen and help anytime.

Talking to a counselor, therapist, or trusted adult who understands autism and ADHD can give you extra support and personalized strategies. You’re not alone, and help is available.

Frequently asked questions

How can I remember to use emotional regulation strategies when I’m upset?

Keep reminders like notes or cards with your steps where you can see them, like your bedroom wall or phone. Practice daily so the steps become a habit and easier to use when upset.

What if I don’t feel any better after trying these strategies?

Sometimes it takes a few tries or a longer break. It’s okay to ask for help from someone you trust. If feelings don’t improve, talking to a counselor or therapist can provide more support.

Can emotional regulation help with anxiety and stress too?

Yes, these strategies work for many feelings, including anxiety and stress. Deep breathing and grounding are especially helpful when your mind feels worried.

How long does it take to get better at emotional regulation?

Everyone learns at their own pace. Practicing a little every day helps build skills over time. Even small improvements are important.

Is it normal to sometimes lose control of my emotions?

Yes, everyone loses control sometimes. Emotional regulation is about learning to handle emotions better, not being perfect. Keep practicing and be kind to yourself.