How to deal with grief

Teens 13–17 · How-to · Updated October 1, 2026 · LearnLife Editorial

What do you need before you start dealing with your grief?

Before you begin working through grief, it’s helpful to prepare your environment and mindset. First, find a safe, quiet place where you can be alone or with someone you trust. This could be your bedroom, a peaceful spot outside, or a calm corner at school or home. Having a private space helps you feel comfortable expressing strong emotions like crying, anger, or confusion without worrying about interruptions or judgment.

Next, identify at least one trusted person—a parent, friend, teacher, or counselor—who can listen when you need to talk. Knowing someone is available makes it easier to open up and share. If talking is hard, keep a journal or a sketchbook nearby. Writing or drawing your feelings can be a powerful way to process grief, especially when words fail.

Prepare yourself mentally by reminding yourself that grief is not a race—it takes time and often comes in waves. Be ready to be patient and kind to yourself. You might experience moments of relief, then sudden sadness again, and that’s normal. Finally, gather some activities or tools that calm you, like music playlists, books, or breathing exercises, to use when grief feels overwhelming.

What are the steps to deal with grief and why do they help?

Here are seven clear steps with reasons why each helps you cope:

1. Accept your feelings fully. Don’t try to push away sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. For example, if you feel angry at someone or even the situation, say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel angry.” Acceptance lets your brain start to process your emotions instead of bottling them up.

1. Talk about your loss when you’re ready. Choose someone you trust and say, “I lost someone important to me, and it’s really hard right now.” Sharing stories or simply saying how you feel reduces the weight inside you. If face-to-face talks feel hard, try texting or writing letters to that person.

1. Express your feelings creatively. Use art, music, or writing to show emotions. Drawing a picture of a memory or writing a poem about your feelings are ways to release emotions safely. For instance, you could keep a “memory box” where you store photos or objects that remind you of your loved one.

1. Take care of your body. Grief can drain your energy. Eating balanced meals, getting enough sleep, and moving your body—even just by walking or stretching—can improve your mood and help you feel stronger. For example, if you notice you’re skipping meals, try setting reminders or asking someone to eat with you.

1. Create a consistent routine. Grief can make daily life feel chaotic. Having regular habits like school work, hobbies, or chores helps your brain find some stability. Make a daily checklist: wake up, eat breakfast, attend classes, do homework, spend time outside, and relax before bed. This structure can give a sense of normalcy.

1. Remember your loved one in a positive way. Find meaningful ways to honor your loss, like lighting a candle on special days, planting a tree, or creating a photo collage. This helps keep their memory alive in a comforting way. For example, you might say, “Every year on their birthday, I’ll bake their favorite cookies.”

1. Ask for professional help if needed. Sometimes grief can feel too big to handle alone. If you find yourself feeling hopeless, unable to eat or sleep, or thinking about self-harm, reach out to a counselor, therapist, or trusted adult. They can help you navigate these feelings safely.

How can you tell if dealing with grief is working?

Healing from grief happens gradually, and knowing you’re making progress can be encouraging. Signs that your grief work is helping include:

• Feeling less overwhelmed: You might still feel sad, but those feelings don’t control your whole day. For example, you can think about your loss without breaking down every time.
• Improved sleep and appetite: You start eating regular meals and sleeping better, which supports your overall health.
• Being able to talk about your loss comfortably: You might share memories without feeling intense pain or shutting down.
• Returning to activities you enjoy: Maybe you start hanging out with friends, playing sports, or doing hobbies again.
• Experiencing moments of happiness or laughter: It’s okay to feel joy even while grieving.

Remember, healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It’s about learning to live with your loss and finding peace in your memories. If your feelings feel less intense and you notice more “good days” than “bad days,” those are clear signs that your grief journey is helping.

What should you do when dealing with grief goes wrong or feels stuck?

Sometimes grief becomes very hard to manage. You might feel stuck in intense sadness, anger, or numbness for a long time. Other warning signs include:

• Avoiding friends or family completely
• Feeling hopeless or worthless
• Not being able to do daily tasks like going to school or eating
• Thinking about harming yourself or others

If you notice these signs, it’s important to seek help immediately. Talk to a parent, school counselor, or another trusted adult. You can also contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 for free, confidential support 24/7. Remember, needing help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

If your grief feels stuck but you don’t have harmful thoughts, try changing your approach. You might add new activities like joining a support group, volunteering, or trying mindfulness exercises such as deep breathing or meditation. Sometimes talking with peers who understand what you’re going through can bring fresh comfort.

How can teens adapt grief strategies to their own lives?

Grief looks different for every teen, so it’s important to personalize your coping methods. For example:

• If you’re shy about sharing feelings out loud, start by texting a trusted friend or writing a private blog.
• If you like being active, channel your emotions into sports, dance, or even long walks.
• If you enjoy technology, use apps that guide relaxation or mood tracking to notice your progress.
• Social media can be helpful to connect with others who’ve experienced loss, but be mindful of triggering posts or messages that might worsen your feelings.
• Give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and on your own timeline. Some days you might want to be alone; other days, you might want company.
• Use specific phrases to tell others how they can support you, such as, “I need someone to just listen,” or “Please don’t try to fix how I feel right now.”

By tailoring your grief work to your personality and lifestyle, you make healing more manageable and meaningful.

How can you help a friend who is grieving?

Supporting a friend through grief can be challenging, but your presence matters. Here’s how to help:

• Listen without rushing to fix things. Say things like, “I’m here whenever you want to talk,” or “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
• Avoid clichés. Don’t say things like, “They’re in a better place,” or “You need to move on.” Instead, validate their experience: “I’m so sorry you’re hurting.”
• Offer practical help. Ask if they want company for a walk, help with homework, or just someone to hang out with quietly.
• Respect their way of grieving. If they want to be alone, give them space but check in regularly.
• Encourage professional support if needed. If they show signs of serious distress, help them find a counselor or trusted adult.

By being patient and available, you create a safe space for your friend’s healing.

What are some things to avoid when dealing with grief?

Certain behaviors can make grief harder to manage. Avoid:

• Bottling up emotions. Pretending you’re “fine” when you’re not can cause feelings to build up and explode later.
• Isolating yourself for long periods. While alone time is okay, completely cutting off friends and family can increase loneliness.
• Using harmful habits to escape pain. This includes excessive drinking, drug use, or risky behaviors. These may numb emotions temporarily but cause long-term harm.
• Blaming yourself or others for the loss. Grief is about healing, not fault-finding. Self-blame can deepen sadness.
• Rushing the process. Don’t feel pressured to “get over it.” Everyone grieves at their own pace.

If you notice these patterns, try reaching out for support or using healthier coping tools like journaling, talking, or physical activity.

Frequently asked questions

Can I still grieve if I wasn’t close to the person I lost?

Yes. Grief isn’t only for close family or friends. You can grieve a classmate, a pet, or someone you admired. Your feelings are valid no matter your connection.

How can I handle grief if my family doesn’t talk about it?

If your family avoids grief, find a trusted adult outside your family, like a teacher or counselor. Sometimes writing your thoughts privately can help until you’re ready to share.

Is it normal to feel angry during grief?

Absolutely. Anger is a common part of grief. You might feel angry at the situation, yourself, or others. Recognizing this feeling and expressing it safely is important for healing.

What if I forget important memories about the person I lost?

Memories sometimes fade, especially during grief. You can write down stories from others, look at photos, or keep a memory box to help keep those moments alive.

How can I support myself during hard days like anniversaries or holidays?

Plan ahead for these days by doing something comforting, like visiting a favorite place, spending time with supportive people, or lighting a candle. It’s okay to feel sad and take extra care of yourself.