Why Making Friends Can Be Bad for Kids

Kids 8–12 · Explainer · Updated October 1, 2026 · LearnLife Editorial

What does making friends mean for kids?

Making friends means finding other kids you enjoy being around. Friends play together, share interests, and support each other. For kids ages 8 to 12, friendships help learn important skills like sharing, listening, and solving problems. For example, if a child loves drawing, they might become friends with another who enjoys art, spending time drawing together and talking about their favorite colors. This connection helps kids feel like they belong at school or in their neighborhood.

Friends can be classmates, teammates, neighbors, or kids met through hobbies. The main idea is to build relationships where kids feel comfortable and cared for. Kids often make friends by inviting others to join games or by talking about things they both like. However, friendships don’t always come easily and sometimes can feel confusing or stressful, especially if kids worry about fitting in or being left out.

How do kids make friends, and what can go wrong?

Kids make friends by spending time together, sharing activities, and being kind. They might ask someone to play, share a toy, or talk about a favorite game. For instance, if a child sees a classmate sitting alone at recess, they could say, “Would you like to play soccer with us?” This simple invitation can start a new friendship.

But friendships can sometimes cause problems:

• Friends might pressure each other to do things they don’t want to do, like teasing or breaking rules.
• Some kids might feel left out if friends exclude them from games or conversations.
• Arguments and misunderstandings can hurt feelings.
• Kids might depend too much on friends to feel happy or confident.

Imagine a child named Jamie who wants to join a popular group that sometimes teases others. Jamie might feel bad about the teasing but also scared of losing the chance to be friends. This shows how friendships can sometimes make kids feel uncomfortable or upset.

Why is it important to know when friendships can be bad?

Recognizing when a friendship feels bad helps kids stay safe and happy. Friendships should make kids feel respected and included, not scared or sad. Parents and teachers can help kids notice signs of unhealthy friendships, like feeling nervous before seeing a friend or being asked to do something they don’t want to do.

Knowing this helps kids:

• Choose friends who treat them well and make them feel good.
• Say no politely but firmly to things that don’t feel right.
• Find the courage to make new friends if needed.

For example, if a child notices a friend often says mean things or leaves them out, it’s okay to talk to a parent or teacher about how to handle it. This protects kids from bullying and peer pressure.

What common mistakes do kids make when trying to make friends?

Kids sometimes make mistakes that make friendships harder:

• Trying too hard to please everyone and losing their true self.
• Joining groups just to avoid being alone, even if they don’t feel comfortable.
• Copying friends’ behavior that isn’t kind or safe, like teasing.
• Not speaking up when something feels wrong.

For example, a child might laugh at a joke they don’t like just to be accepted. This can make friendships feel less honest and more stressful. Helping kids understand that being themselves is the best way to find friends who accept them is key to building good friendships.

How can parents and teachers help kids make good friends?

Parents and teachers can support kids by:

1. Encouraging kindness and respect in all relationships.
2. Teaching kids how to say “no” in a clear, polite way, like, “I don’t want to do that, but thanks for asking.”
3. Helping kids join clubs, sports, or groups where they can meet others with similar interests.
4. Listening carefully when kids talk about their friendships without judging.
5. Practicing role-play to show how to handle tricky situations like teasing or being left out.

For example, a teacher might organize a “buddy system” where every child gets a partner during recess, so no one feels alone. A parent might ask, “What do you like best about your friends?” or “How do you feel when someone leaves you out?” This helps kids think about their friendships and how to improve them.

What should kids do if a friendship feels bad?

If a friendship feels bad, kids should:

• Talk to a trusted adult like a parent, teacher, or school counselor about their feelings.
• Try saying something like, “I don’t like it when you say that,” or “Please stop.”
• Spend time with other friends or try new activities to meet new people.
• Remember it’s okay to take a break or stop being friends if the relationship is hurtful.

For example, if a friend keeps teasing or excluding a child, that child can say, “I want to play with everyone, not just a few kids,” or ask an adult for help. These steps help kids protect themselves and find happier friendships.

How is making friends as a kid different from making friends as an adult?

Kids often make friends by playing games and sharing activities, while adults usually make friends through work, family, or hobbies. Kids’ friendships can change quickly as they grow and learn about themselves. Adults tend to have fewer but deeper friendships that last a long time.

For kids, friendships help develop social skills and understand feelings. For example, kids might have a fight one day and be friends again the next. Adults tend to handle disagreements with more talking and problem-solving. Knowing this helps parents and teachers support kids through normal friendship ups and downs.

What related terms are often confused with making friends?

People sometimes mix up:

• Being popular with having good friends. Popular means many people know you, but good friends are those who care about you and treat you well.
• Peer pressure with friendship. Peer pressure is when friends or others try to make you do things you don’t want to do.
• Bullying with conflict. Bullying means someone repeatedly hurts or scares another, while conflicts are normal disagreements.

For example, a child might be popular but still feel lonely if nobody really listens to them. Understanding these differences helps kids find friendships that are kind and safe.

What can parents and teachers do next?

To help kids with friendships:

• Read helpful guides on how kids can make friends at school, like How to Make Friends as a Kid in School.
• Ask kids questions that encourage talking about feelings, such as those in What to Ask to Help Kids Make Friends.
• Teach social skills like what to say in conversations, using guides like What to Say: A Social Skills Guide for Kids.
• Watch for signs of bullying or exclusion and respond quickly by talking with the child and school staff.

By offering clear advice and support, adults help kids build friendships that are fun, respectful, and healthy.

Frequently asked questions

How can kids tell if a friend is a good friend?

A good friend listens, is kind, and makes you feel happy and safe. They don’t pressure you to do things you don’t want. If a friend respects your feelings and supports you, they are a good friend.

What should a kid do if they feel left out by friends?

It’s okay to tell a trusted adult how you feel. You can try joining new clubs or activities to meet other kids. Remember, feeling left out happens sometimes, but you can find friends who include you.

Why do kids sometimes feel pressure from friends?

Friends might want you to act a certain way to fit in, like teasing others or breaking rules. This is called peer pressure. It’s important to say no politely if something feels wrong and find friends who respect your choices.

Can kids have more than one friend group?

Yes! Kids often have different friends for different activities, like one group for sports and another for school projects. This helps kids enjoy different interests and meet more people.

What if a kid doesn’t like being around certain friends anymore?

It’s okay to take a break or stop spending time with friends who make you feel bad. You can try to explain how you feel or talk to a trusted adult for advice on how to handle the situation kindly.