How to Make Friends in School: Tips for Kids

Kids 8–12 · How-to · Updated October 1, 2026 · LearnLife Editorial

What do kids need before they start making friends at school?

Before children start making friends, they need basic social skills and confidence. These include knowing how to greet others, listen carefully, and treat friends with kindness and respect. Parents and teachers can help by practicing greetings such as “Hi, how are you?” or “Do you want to play?” at home. Role-playing different social situations, like joining a group game or asking to sit next to someone, can ease anxiety. It also helps if kids understand what makes a good friend—someone who is kind, shares, and listens well. A positive mindset encourages kids to take chances without fear of rejection. For example, practicing saying, “I like your drawing! Can I see it?” teaches how to start conversations. Preparing children with these skills helps them feel ready to make new friends.

What are the steps to make friends in school and why do they work?

Here is a clear, step-by-step guide kids can follow to make friends, including why each step matters:

1. Smile and say hello — Smiling makes you look friendly and open. Saying “Hi!” helps break the silence and invites a response.
2. Ask questions about the other person — For example, “What games do you like?” or “Do you have any pets?” Questions show you care about getting to know them.
3. Listen carefully — When your friend talks, look at them and nod. This makes them feel important and encourages them to share more.
4. Join a club, sport, or group activity — Shared activities give kids a natural way to connect, like being on the same soccer team.
5. Invite someone to play or sit with you — Saying, “Would you like to play tag with me?” gives clear chances to spend time together.
6. Be kind and helpful — Helping a classmate with a task or sharing supplies builds trust and shows you care.
7. Share something about yourself — Saying, “I like drawing animals,” helps the other person learn about you and feel comfortable.
8. Keep trying even if it’s hard at first — Making friends can take time, so don’t give up if it’s not instant.

These steps work because they help kids show they are friendly, interested, and trustworthy, which builds the foundation for friendship.

How can kids tell if their friendship efforts worked?

Kids can tell friendships are growing if classmates smile back, start conversations, or invite them to join activities. For example, if a classmate asks, “Do you want to be my partner for this project?” that’s a good sign. Other clues include sharing toys, sitting together at lunch, or playing during recess. Feeling happy and comfortable around someone, looking forward to seeing them, or sharing secrets are also signs of friendship. If a friend checks in with “How was your weekend?” or remembers your favorite game, it means they care. Encourage kids to notice these behaviors and to enjoy spending time with new friends.

What should kids do when making friends doesn’t go as planned?

Not every attempt to make friends works right away, and that’s okay. Sometimes kids feel left out or get ignored. When this happens, it’s normal to feel sad, but it’s important to keep trying. Teach kids to:

• Take deep breaths and remind themselves they don’t need to be friends with everyone.
• Look for other classmates who are also alone and invite them to join.
• Talk to a trusted adult if feelings get too big or if someone is being mean.
• Practice kindness, because being friendly often encourages others to respond in time.

If a child experiences bullying or hurtful behavior, parents and teachers should step in and help solve the problem safely. Sometimes friendships don’t form immediately, so patience and kindness are key.

How can parents and teachers support kids in making friends at school?

Parents and teachers play an important role in helping kids make friends. They can:

• Set up playdates with classmates so kids can get to know each other outside school.
• Practice social skills at home by rehearsing conversation starters or sharing feelings.
• Encourage kids to join clubs, sports, or group projects to meet peers with similar interests.
• Create opportunities in the classroom for teamwork, like group assignments or circle time where kids share thoughts.
• Model friendly behavior by greeting neighbors, showing kindness, and talking about their own friendships.
• Celebrate small successes, like saying “Great job asking to join the game!” to build confidence.

Teachers can also teach empathy by reading stories about friendship and discussing how to be a good friend. Adults should remind kids that everyone feels nervous sometimes, and that’s perfectly normal.

How do these tips apply specifically to elementary school kids?

Elementary school kids, ages 8–12, are learning to manage their feelings and understand others better. They often form friendships through play and shared interests. Because they are still practicing social skills, they benefit from clear guidance and simple examples. For instance, teachers can use games that require cooperation, like building a tower together, to help kids work as a team. Parents can encourage children to invite classmates over or share toys during recess. Elementary kids also respond well to routines, so having regular group activities can give natural chances for friendships to develop. When kids see that making friends is a step-by-step process, they feel less worried and more excited to try.

What are some examples kids can try to start conversations?

Starting a conversation can feel tricky, so here are kid-friendly examples children can use:

• “Hi! What’s your favorite sport?”
• “Do you want to play on the swings together?”
• “What’s your favorite subject in school?”
• “Can I see your drawing? It looks cool!”
• “Do you have any pets at home?”
• “Would you like to be partners for this project?”
• “What do you like to do after school?”

Encourage kids to use a friendly tone and smile. Even simple comments like “I like your backpack!” or “That’s a funny joke!” can open the door to a chat. Practicing these lines at home or in class helps children feel ready to use them when meeting new friends.

What if a child feels shy or nervous about making friends?

Feeling shy is common, especially when meeting new people. Kids can start by taking small actions, like making eye contact or saying “hi” quietly. Practicing these steps with a parent, teacher, or sibling can build confidence. Deep breathing before talking can calm nerves. Remind children that many kids feel nervous and that it’s okay to take their time. They can try joining activities that feel comfortable, like a small art club or a reading group, to meet others in a low-pressure setting. If a child wants, parents can help by introducing them to classmates or setting up one-on-one playdates. Encouraging children to celebrate small wins, like making eye contact or asking one question, helps build their social courage over time.

For more ideas and examples, check out How to Make Friends as a Kid in School and Making Friends Examples for Students.

Frequently asked questions

How can kids keep a new friend once they make one?

To keep a friend, kids should be kind, listen carefully, and spend time together regularly. Saying things like “Do you want to play again tomorrow?” or “Thanks for helping me!” shows they care. If disagreements happen, saying “Sorry” or talking about feelings helps fix problems. Friends grow closer when they share fun activities and support each other.

What if a child’s friend is mean sometimes?

Sometimes friends argue or say hurtful things. Kids should tell a trusted adult if someone is mean often. They can try calmly saying, “That hurt my feelings,” to their friend. If the meanness continues, adults need to help. True friends treat each other with kindness and respect.

How can shy kids make friends during recess?

Shy kids can watch games and choose one they like, then ask, “Can I try?” or “Can I play too?” Bringing a ball or a jump rope to recess offers a way to invite others. Talking to one classmate at a time can feel easier than joining big groups. Adults can help by encouraging gentle introductions.

Can technology help kids make friends in elementary school?

Technology like video calls or messaging can help kids stay connected with friends safely. However, real-life conversations and playing together help kids learn important social skills. Parents should make sure kids balance screen time with face-to-face play and conversations.

What if a child has trouble understanding how to make friends?

Some kids may need extra help with social skills. Parents and teachers can provide examples, practice conversations, and role-play different friendship situations. If challenges continue, a counselor or social skills specialist can offer guidance to help children build friendship skills.